Troutbirder II

Troutbirder II
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Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Dear God

Dear God:When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?More meatballs, less spaghetti, please. Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good Dog.
1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up
2. I will not roll on dead deer, fish, birds, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.
4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.
5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello'.
8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table .
9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.
10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.
11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.
12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thingP.S. When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?



  1. Poor Baron. I'm sure he'll find heaven to be wonderful, but I hope that doesn't happen for quite some time.

  2. Baron, Chance wonders the same things are you! I am sure that all missing parts will be reassigned in Heaven:)

  3. HaHa. And Baron's got a good sense of humor too! What a dog.

  4. Hi, TB

    I loved this post, particularly....

    "5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff."

    Baron is not only gorgeous....,he is funnier than Woody Allen....

  5. Wonderful. Rin-tin-tin was one of my favorite TV shows when I was a kid. Looks like you have a beauty of a dog. Great post.

  6. I don't know... sounds like Baron is in heaven already if he gets to do all of these fun doggy things. :)

  7. Well, if you have to meet those criteria I don't think my dogs can make it. #2 would catch Ellie who loves nothing better than finding something gross in the woods. And I never notice it until I see her shoulder go down!

  8. Boy you live in a tough house. I can't understand why you get in trouble for any of the behaviors except the cat squeezing.

  9. So funny! I wish my Daisy could talk. I know her wish list would be long and demanding.

  10. Okay... you gave me a bit of a fright here! But since I see that Baron is still on this side of heaven and only being a bit funny... everything is okay! Poor you, Baron really does keep you hopping! But I guess the testicle thing has a bit to do with that! He has to get you back for doing such a thing to such a mighty creature (no judgement... I do understand!). It reminds me of that scene in the Eddie Murphy Doc Doolittle movie... where the German Shepherd is being dragged along into the vets office promising that he "won't do it again" (or something like that!) while looking at a hot poodle! Wait...was that Baron?!

  11. That is one funny prayer from Baron! Thanks for sharing.