Today I was in a shoe store that sells only shoes, nothing
else. A young girl with green hair walked over to me and asked, "What
brings you in today? I looked at her and said, "I'm interested in buying a
refrigerator." She didn't quite know how to respond, had that deer in the
I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.
When people see a cat's litter box they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" I just say, "No, it's for company!"
Employment application blanks always ask who is to be called in case of an emergency. I think you should write, "An ambulance."
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Did you ever notice that when you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "Theirs?"
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
Some people try to turn back their "odometers." Not me. I want people to know why I look this way. I've traveled a long way and a lot of the roads were not paved.
Ah! Being young is exciting but being old is comfortable.
Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth!
May you always have:
Love to share,
Cash to spare,
Tires with air,
And friends who care.