Troutbirder II

Troutbirder II
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Saturday, May 18, 2019

The best and worst of it. Part II



 
The best: Cottagewood. According to several social workers from both Mayo Clinic and Olmsted County it was one of the very best memory care facilities in all of southern Minnesota. I believe that is correct.

The worst: based on experiences almost to frequent to keep track Cottagewood is not that good on occasion. They claim to have the most trained staff and appropriate facilities to keep your loved one safe and the residents family involved and informed. The problem is quite common to large bureaucracies of all kinds. Communication fails and lawyer written red tape designed to protect the bureaucracies bottom line or reputation sometimes defies common sense.

Barb had just arrived several days before from Mayo Clinic’s maximum-security psychiatric ward. Two days later I had received early in the morning a phone call from Cottagewood which indicated sometime in the night Barb had fallen and possibly had a broken arm. It was swollen and I needed to drive 30 miles to Rochester and take her to Mayo Clinic’s emergency room for an x-ray. I wasn’t sure as explained in my previous post if she would even be admitted. But more than that should I be the one to drive her there. I told them to call for an ambulance. They refused. I refused to take her myself, pointing out that because of her extreme agitation she well could possibly jump out of the car grabbed the steering wheel begin choking me and we would both be at risk for our very lives. I rushed up to Cottagewood and found that Barb’s arm was swollen but she was not in severe pain. Getting an aide to apply an ice pack, I then demanded to see the chief operating officer. And after much ado an ambulance was finally called and at St. Mary’s emergency room they found that Barb had a fractured arm.


Several weeks later another phone call informed me that my wife had been “assaulted”upon arrival that word was changed to “molested” this was followed some days later when she assaulted a knocked to floor a male resident who was giving her a neck message while she was eating lunch. Apparently she had previsouly be calling hime “Ray” (my name} . The last report was that she hoped in bed with the culprit who nude and presumably assaulted him. All this led to a promise that each one would have a separate aid watching them and keeping them apart. Numerous efforts on that behalf all failed due to lack of communication of the various pertinent protocols among the aides. Then he disappeared for three weeks after I was chastised for threatening him if he ever got within 10 feet of my wife again. Not good the poor fellow has dementia. Then he finally disappeared and reappeared three weeks later now looking and acting somewhat zombie like. More recently when Lily was with me visiting dementia land I still had the unfortunate reaction on my part as he approached me and Barb to inform him that if he approached any closer to my wife my dog “killer”the highly trained German police dog would rip his arm off. My bad again but I have further stories about Cottagewood to add to my future New York times best-selling book Adventures in Dementialand

17 comments:

  1. Dear Ray - I feel for you ... take care, relax somehow ... see if by chance you can get someone to be with you when you're dealing with any challenges ... but my thoughts - Hilary

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  2. Check to see if there isn't an ombudsman to give you some help in battling the bureaucracy. And most towns have dementia caregivers support groups. That might be of help as well. Meanwhile you have to stand your ground and not give in to the "cover our ass" rules.

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  3. So sad. Yup, the people on the ground are one thing, the bureaucracies another. I got confused around the assault story. Who jumped who?

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  4. Heartbreaking! I've heard other horror stories of such places, but your's is the worst of them. I agree that you should try to find a ombudsman to try to get you help in dealing with these matters.

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  5. How difficult. There is not answer but to persevere. I am so sorry.

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  6. I have seen, probably in movies, that dementia patients may fall for each other to the consternation of spouses.

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  7. The irrational is very difficult to deal with. You would expect better supervision than that.

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  8. I'm so sorry that you have had to deal with this trauma. Some years ago I had family members with psychiatric problems and it was just... terrifying. I was a child but even now, it defies logic. Persons who are ill do not always act in their best interest.

    Take care of yourself. It's like they say on a plane, you know. Get oxygen to yourself first or you won't be able to help others. Bless you.

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  9. It is disgusting the way the staff at that place behave. They seem to be rather untrained and should start learning how to treat those in their care.

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  10. It this is the best care in southern Minnesota, imagine the other places! It does seem questionable whether or not the staff is doing their job, which is most basic to keep everyone safe. Can your children help with some of the stress of dealing with what is going on? This has to be taking a huge toll on you and your health as well. The things that have happened to your wife there in such a short time just don’t seem right.

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  11. Troutbirder, I'm just getting back to reading all the blogs I read after 7 months in hospital and 8 months at home, now paralyzed and in a wheelchair from heart surgery gone wrong! I was very sorry to hear of your wife's illness and the challenges of her care. I actually went back to the beginning of your blog and worked my way forward, reading quite a few posts. I see lots of parallels, as my nature and seasons blog evolves toward something different. Not even close to your wif's situation, or yours, but the care I need has been a continuing battle since I got home last Sept. My thoughts and prayers go out to you.

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  12. It's scary to consider all the things that really go on in places like this that never get reported. I'm sorry you are having to go through all of this.

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  13. I am so sorry for you and for Barb. Dementia is so very difficult. I am glad you stood your ground for them to call an ambulance. Do they have monthly meetings with a charge nurse? I would certainly complain to the powers that be that run the place...that guy could be a sex offender...you just never know.
    Stay strong Ray.

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